WASHINGTON: ISIS militants have rampaged through the U.S capital of Washington D.C, destroying important landmarks such as Congress, the Senate and the Washington Memorial.
President Obama this morning assured the nation that the U.S military was doing all it could to stop the terrorist army, which has now taken over the Middle East, two-thirds of Europe and is nearly in control of the entire eastern seaboard of the United States.
However, Obama warned Egypt and Turkey not to send ground troops against ISIS, but did not specify why.
On Saturday, ISIS launched an attack on Egyptian and Turkish military jets using Patriot missiles which had been mounted on the back of improved M1 Abrams tanks. An Egyptian Journalist investigating 50 USAF airdrops to ISIS-held airports in Iraq and Syria, has been arrested in Jordan by U.S officials due to “national security concerns”.
The Journalist’s lawyer, who was also detained, was quoted as saying he had proof of U.S and Saudi collusion with ISIS, but was dismissed as a “conspiracy theorist” by White House spokesman, Simon Elliott.
This morning, the Pentagon announced it had launched two airstrikes in retaliation for the assault on Washington, hitting an ISIS Humvee in Ramadi in Iraq and killing two militants in Raqqa, Syria, using a Predator drone. However, the “militants” were later found to be Syrian government forces.
Critics have slammed President Obama, questioning why his Administration has failed to do any damage whatsoever to what he himself called “the greatest threat to global security ever”.
Last night, Saudi Arabia launched three air strikes against ISIS in Iraq, killing two people – both civilians.
“In the year since Obama launched the war against what he called ‘our most immediate national security threat’ we have been unable to kill even one member of ISIS,” said an unnamed source from a major media outlet.
“ISIS have killed tens of thousands of innocent people, taking over the world’s most oil-rich region and we have not sent so much as one soldier to confront them. Al-Qaeda killed 3,000 people in 2001 and we assembled an international coalition, launching a full-scale invasion to deal with that threat.”
“Iraq did nothing whatsoever and we sent half our entire army to take care of them,” the source added.
The Pentagon has warned other countries not to attack ISIS and has held dozens of press conferences to assure the world that ISIS still remains a formidable army capable of capturing large swathes of land and defeating regional armies.
“Reports of the United States, Jordan, Egypt, Turkey or any other country, defeating ISIS are simply not true,” the Pentagon spokesman said to a perplexed group of Journalists.
“ISIS are well-funded, amazing fighters and a terrific organisational force. No one’s gonna stop em’ – I guarantee that. I’m confident they can push aside any Arab coalition that might form to stop them on the ground.”
When the spokesman was asked by a Turkish Journalist, Ismet Togaloglu, who exactly the U.S was fighting and who it was supporting, the spokesman accused her of being a “conspiracy theorist”.
“Look, that kind of talk is just pure conspiracy theorist hokum,” the spokesman said, adding that such questions threatened “sensitive and important ongoing operations” against the Syrian regime of Bashar al-Assad.